What do you think of my poem??

Sorry, I think my conscience must%26#039;ve got lost on the way,


maybe it decided to call in sick today.


Whipe the blood on my jeans, paste on a smile,


I hope I can keep going for one last mile.


I won the battle, but he lost the fight


A siren starts sounding to my right.


Grip the wheel a little tighter, my knuckles red,


repeat the very last words that he said.


%26quot;At home I%26#039;ve got children, a daughter and wife.


My lily of the valley, the love of my life.


You%26#039;ve gotta know how I feel, with a brood of your own,%26quot;


But I shook my head, said %26quot;I live all alone.


Every night I lay down, and cry silver tears,


I killed my wife and kids, its been so many years.%26quot;


He didn%26#039;t beg for his life, but he didn%26#039;t ask for more,


so i pulled over the car, and opened the door.


He may be in bad shape, but he%26#039;ll come home tonight,


he%26#039;s gotta be there, to kiss his kid, and turn out the light.


He%26#039;ll curl up in bed, his heartbeat so weak,


but he%26#039;ll curl up with his wife, lay a kiss on her cheek.

What do you think of my poem??
I believe you have put forth a lot of emotion and told a very compelling story. However, I would like to suggest that you steer away from the rhyming couplets (except to use them as emphasis). Never be afraid to rewrite and revise a poem.
Reply:good job keep it up go to www.poetry.com to enter it
Reply:I really like it. I think its great...great for a young writer.



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